Lagos can run you mad! The people are inpatient, the drivers are crazy, the streets are chaotic and the noise. God help us!

Because you need a guide to understanding this city, we’ve come up with these list of things to do.


play Angry Lagosian (Google)

 

1. You need to become an area boy!

Very important rule which is why it tops the list. Please note that everyone in Lagos is an agbero ‘area boy’.

Deep down every Lagosian is rough and would fight you at the slightest mishap. So, do not go about thinking because you look polished Lagosians will chill for you. Be prepared to fight for everything even parking tickets.

2. Never ever rely on Google maps

The streets of Lagos are hard to navigate (because they are not detailed well enough). Your google map could lead you astray especially places like Agege, Ebute-Metta, Oshodi, Iju Ishaga. So, always ask for directions.

3. Take horn 101 classes


play Take classes on horning (Google)

 

Stuck in traffic? Please press your horn. The traffic light blinks red? Please honk.

It’s the only way people can tell you are a serious driver in Lagos.

4. Be wary of pickpockets

Note: Pickpockets could also be children, pregnant women, police officers, anybody you might not suspect.

They are even at society weddings and presidential parties.

5. Always walk fast

The city of Lagos is for fast people only. You need to be fast and smart. Lagosians are always rushing. 6 am people are already shoving each other on the road. Can’t walk fast? Then Lagos is not for you!

6. Be ready to have your ears blocked by noise

From churches and mosques with their loudspeakers outside to outdoor parties and the screaming megaphone of evangelists, Lagos is full of loud booming noise.

The average Lagosian is a noise maker and can never throw a quiet party.

 

7. Driving is insane

From huge manholes to potholes, crazy drunk drivers, Police officers looking for bribes, driving in Lagos is not for the faint of heart.

Bear in mind that the driver next to you is crazy and can pull any kind of stunt unexpectedly.

8. Electricity is shitty


play A typical electricity pole in Lagos looks like this (Google)

What is Lagos with constant power supply? Do not hesitate to buy a generator and at least five ‘fake’ power banks.

9. Be street smart

People will always try to dupe you so be smart. Haggle the price of anything. There’s a chance that N100 blade is actually N40.

10. Pick your battle wisely

That area boy you are quarrelling with could be a warrior who doesn’t mind taking a life or two.